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  • Michael Noctor

Granny is Alzheimer

Updated: Nov 8

One of the best things about granny bein’ Alzheimer

Is bein’ able to ask her every twenty minutes for a fiver

And when she says she can’t remember where she put her purse

part of the Alzheimer curse

I be like, I’ll find it granny, that’s what I’ve got two eyes for.


My friends think I’m mean

They say rippin’ off me granny is obscene

And when they say if your ma finds out she’s gonna kill ya

Not to mention me da

I be like, Just one more fiver – or two – and then I’ll come clean

As if



It’s not like this is gonna last forever

I don’t want me granny to die, ever

But she’s only human so when she answers the grim reapers call

There’ll be a funeral n all

And when will she need money where she’s goin … never


Me ma’s always cryin, she goes on and on and on

Whinging about how her own mother doesn’t recognise her own daughter and so on

Then moments of clarity arrive out of nowhere

Me granny snaps out of her Alzheimers and gives me the death stare

And screams – Where’s all me fivers gone!!!!