- Michael Noctor
Granny is Alzheimer
Updated: Nov 8, 2021
One of the best things about granny bein’ Alzheimer
Is bein’ able to ask her every twenty minutes for a fiver
And when she says she can’t remember where she put her purse
part of the Alzheimer curse
I be like, I’ll find it granny, that’s what I’ve got two eyes for.
My friends think I’m mean
They say rippin’ off me granny is obscene
And when they say if your ma finds out she’s gonna kill ya
Not to mention me da
I be like, Just one more fiver – or two – and then I’ll come clean
As if

It’s not like this is gonna last forever
I don’t want me granny to die, ever
But she’s only human so when she answers the grim reapers call
There’ll be a funeral n all
And when will she need money where she’s goin … never
Me ma’s always cryin, she goes on and on and on
Whinging about how her own mother doesn’t recognise her own daughter and so on
Then moments of clarity arrive out of nowhere
Me granny snaps out of her Alzheimers and gives me the death stare
And screams – Where’s all me fivers gone!!!!